You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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