But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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