you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
