I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
