I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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