my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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