i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
