It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Buhtt sex?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
