I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
