3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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