im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
