It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Everything about him screamed your future.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
