Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
