how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
