i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
