worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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