The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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