if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
