Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
