Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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