she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
