my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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