So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
