He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
