Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize