I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
