i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
