I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
