my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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