a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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