you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
