How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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