I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
