So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
