Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
