Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
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Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
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So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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