I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
