Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
