I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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