Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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