So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
