god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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