I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
