just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
