Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Man, jail baloney is awful.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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