I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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