And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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