If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You need a sexual gate keeper
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
