I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
