3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
