I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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