This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
