well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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