dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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