You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
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I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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