You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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