And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize