I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
