Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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