her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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