I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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