You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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