no, he came in my armpit
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
