On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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