I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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