Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
