oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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