when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
